The Potential Downside of Overachieving

Executive coach Melody Wilding describes a phenomenon she calls “The Honor Roll Hangover,” where straight A students get out into the working world and experience a new kind of struggle. After so many years of following the rules, being dependable, and receiving outside validation for our efforts, we graduate and experience a sort of stuckness, confusion, and dissatisfaction. We knew how to be successful when the guidelines were clear, but out in the messy real world we’re not quite sure how to get it right.

I’ve always loved a gold star. Seeing an A at the top of an exam, being acknowledged for a well-written paper, or raising my hand and hearing the teacher say, “that’s correct” were glorious highlights of my school years. (I know, my coolness factor just went way up in your book.) I can still recall the feeling of warmth, like the sun parting through the clouds; it gave me an overall sense of safety and worthiness. But just as the sun eventually fades, so would that feeling. I’d be left with a sort of emptiness and go chasing the high of praise again.

I became reliant on outside sources to tell me I was doing things right and lost my connection to my inner voice. It took years of unlearning the habit of people pleasing and approval seeking to find my way back to myself. Through therapy, yoga, meditation, and journaling I began to recognize my own inherent value. It still feels comforting to get a thumbs up from an authority figure, but it doesn’t compare to the freedom of meeting my own needs for validation or the joy of knowing from within that I belong and deserve to take up space.

This doesn’t mean I advise giving up on good grades or recommend we all stop aiming for high marks. Not at all! I just invite you to get curious about your motivations. If you notice yourself always going the extra mile, what might you truly be seeking? Are you chasing a feeling of worthiness or the approval of someone else? What’s it like if you fall short of expectations? How could you do your best with less attachment to others’ opinions? Is there a way to enjoy the process as much as the outcome?

These are questions I wish I would’ve considered when I was clinging to my straight A’s like a life raft. And no matter what you discover when you get clear on your motivation for high achievement, just know that you CAN learn to love and accept yourself, regardless of your report card.