How to Have More Fun
I recently tuned into an episode of Glennon Doyle’s podcast “We Can Do Hard Things,” where she explored the concept of fun with her wife Abby and sister Amanda. Glennon and Amanda said they struggle with fun. They didn’t grow up with a model of how to gleefully play without getting entangled in thoughts about how they appear from the outside. Abby, on the other hand, has made it her life’s purpose to have fun. She’s a professional soccer player, which means she literally plays games for a living. The conversation turned to a discussion of how inspiring it is to watch women’s sports because the athletes aren’t concerned with how they look on the field or court. In a culture that places so much emphasis on women’s appearance, it’s powerful to see female athletes not thinking about their bodies, but using them as a means for joy and competition. This got me thinking about my own experience with fun, mindfulness, and my body.
My husband and I both kiteboard, but we’ve had completely different relationships with the sport. He became proficient really quickly, absolutely adores it, will go anytime it’s windy, and has so much fun the whole time he’s out there. I’m more of a fair-weather kiter. It was really hard for me to learn, and even when I got the hang of it, the stars had to align just right for me to want to join. The water had to be warm enough, the wind consistent enough - not too strong, not too light, and not too gusty. I needed to have slept well the night before, and not have too much on my plate that I could be accomplishing. Honestly, my fun started when the kite was safely on the ground, my harness was unhooked, and we could all laugh, talk about how it went, and marvel at how we didn’t die.
The reason I would drag my feet instead of hopping into the car when it was windy is because I was not present in my body when kiteboarding. I was like a floating head - all caught up in thoughts, fears, worries, and self-doubt. I was aware of all the stuff going on around me, trying not to mess anything up, break the rules, get in the way, or look stupid. It’s hard to have fun when you’re stressed out and disembodied. Like Glennon and Amanda, I wasn’t enjoying the experience because I was stuck in my head. And like Abby, my husband was having a blast because he was inhabiting his body and letting it be a vehicle for joy.
Fun isn’t something we think our way into; we have to live it into being. And living happens through our bodies, not our heads.
Since working on my body image, I’ve been using kiteboarding as an opportunity to practice mindfulness, and it’s become so much more fun. When I notice I’m stuck in a mental trap, wondering how silly I look or considering all that could go wrong, I come back to the present moment. As I relax into my harness, feel the flow of the waves, observe my breath, and peek down at the quote on my board (“She believed she could, so she did”), I’m able to lighten up. I allow my fearful thoughts to fade into the background, arrive in my body, and a feeling of enjoyment rises to the surface.
It has taken practice for me to invite more fun into my life. Worrying and intellectualizing are habits I developed to try to avoid pain and stay safe, but all I really end up avoiding is joy. Since habits are learned, we can unlearn and replace them with more beneficial ways of thinking and behaving. Each moment is an opportunity to come back to our senses and ground into our bodies. As we observe where our feet are planted, what our eyes are taking in, and the sounds and smells around us, joy and freedom become possible. If you identify as more of a Glennon than an Abby when it comes to fun, I invite you to give mindfulness a try. And if you need more support, I’m your girl. Reach out to me today and let’s rediscover your playful side. Your life is meant to be savored. Joy is your birthright. Your body can become your ally for fun.
