Perfectionism: It May Not Be What You Think

For the longest time I would hear the word perfectionism and dismiss it. I thought perfectionists were the types of people who looked incredibly put together, used label makers & color-coded file folders, spoke eloquently, and were always prepared. I thought everything came easily to them. I imagined these Perfect Others in a buttoned up cardigan & tailored pants, with silky straight hair & manicured nails. I thought you could judge a perfectionist by their cover.

I, on the other hand, am a messy kind of organized. I have a planner, but sometimes forget to use it. Most of my pants are of the yoga variety. My hair is usually unruly, and my nails unpainted. I don’t like to over-plan for things because I’m better on my feet. My best yoga classes are often the ones where I speak to what I see in the moment, as opposed to walking in with a prepared script, theme, & playlist. I can’t be a perfectionist, I thought. Look at how weird I am & how many mistakes I make!

But then I started to recognize many of the things that were holding me back in my life had a common theme. Things like rewriting an email or text multiple times before hitting send, not speaking up out of fear of sounding stupid, avoiding things I might not do well, procrastinating, and having a loud inner critic. These are all signs of perfectionism.

Perfectionism is sneaky. It can seem like a good thing - like it drives us to do our best. But in reality, it’s a thief of joy. It damages our ability to trust ourselves to figure things out, keeps us wrapped up in self-judgement, stuck in comparison, and unable to experience relief at the end of a task or a sense of ease in our life. “I could have done better” may become our mind’s catchphrase.

Letting go of perfectionism can feel scary. You may have gotten comfortable with holding back and playing small, thinking that once you’re perfect, then you’ll do that thing, share your work, speak your voice. It’s unfamiliar learning to embrace good enoughness. But there’s peace & freedom on the other side of fear. And you don’t have to cross that bridge alone.

You don’t have to keep watching your life from the sidelines, feeling stuck, resentful, exhausted, and not enough. Reach out to see if I’m the right therapist to help you release the grip of perfectionism & experience the joy of being human!